These Words from A Father That Rescued Me when I became a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good spot. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to addressing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a wider inability to open up among men, who often internalise harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to request a break - taking a couple of days overseas, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the language of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising you is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."